cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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