How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
