i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
