I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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