Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
