Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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