Be still, my beating vagina.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
