You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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