Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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