I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
