Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
