is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
