The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
