Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
