Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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