Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
