i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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