it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
