I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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