I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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