Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
