My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
