im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
