We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
