someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
