Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
