Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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