we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
