I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
