I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
