He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
