you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
