yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
