I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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