It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
