I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
