I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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