I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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