If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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