His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
