She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think people are normalizing furries
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
