We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
