i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
