Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
