Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
