I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
