I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
