All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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