it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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