Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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