If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
