RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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