I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
