do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
