is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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