also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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