My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
