And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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