Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Someone shattered a urinal.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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